I’m Worth More

When my ex and I broke up, I asked him to have the courtesy to tell me himself when he started dating again.

I found out yesterday he’s been back with his ex for at least a month now. And he’s not who told me.

I wrote a huge post last night about how hurtful I found this, but instead of publishing it, I hit private. If you want to read, I’ll email it to you, but it’s not going to be public, at least for now.

He said he didn’t tell me because what if it didn’t work out, and I got upset for nothing? And that he didn’t see the difference between me finding out right away or later. He wanted to try to salvage what was left of our friendship.

The fact that he straight up told me he’d tell me is what burns.

I emailed my post to my best friend in Vancouver for her opinions and just because I needed to share. She very sweetly came out with some observations that seem pretty bang on to me.

This guy is a serial monogamist. In the 13 years that I’ve now known him, been friends with him, he’s only been single for a total of months. He goes from girl to girl, often almost immediately, or with very short periods of time between them. Hell, we started dating 3 days after he broke up with his ex, and if that wasn’t enough of a warning for me to protect my heart, I don’t know what is.

This also led her (and I) to the impression that he is unable to be alone. How can he develop as a person if he always has a girlfriend? She also mentioned that him going from his ex to me back to his ex seems to follow a pattern, and that his not telling me seemed to indicate he was holding out in case he needed a back up plan. A back up girlfriend. If things didn’t work with them, there was always the chance of trying to get back with me eventually.

I’m sick of hurting because of this guy. I feel like he’s been lying by omission. But you know what? Fuck that. I’m making my own life, my own happiness, and I’m not going to allow myself to pine for him anymore. If he can’t respect our many years of friendship by treating my heart with decency when I ask him to do one thing, tell me one thing, if he doesn’t have the spine to be honest with me, then I’m done wasting my time and my love and my mental health on someone like that.

I’m worth more than that.

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Ki

About 6 years ago, my beautiful kitty-baby went to live with a family friend, as I couldn’t bring him with me when I went to university. At the time he was 13; now he was 19, blind, deaf, and arthritic. He was the friendliest little guy, and his adoptive Daddy (a good friend of my Mom’s) absolutely loved him and doted on him.

The week before I moved out to Edmonton, I went to visit both the human and the kitty. I asked the human (the nicest man in the world), to please not make any expensive, heroic measures to try to save Ki when he started hurting or his quality of life was deteriorating. He was very old for a kitty (we got him in 1993, when I was 9, still living in the Yukon), and we agreed that as long as he wasn’t suffering and still (mostly) able to make the litter box, he would just continue being spoiled rotten.

This morning, the kitty and the human were outside together, when the human went in to answer the phone. Within 15 seconds, he said, he heard a strange noise, and looked out to see that a neighbour’s dog had entered the yard, and had already killed my baby boy.

My 19 year old, blind, deaf, arthritic baby was killed IN HIS OWN YARD. 

This was not the first time this dog had injured a neighbourhood pet, but the owner’s had paid the vet bill and asked that they not be reported, as they stated it had never happened before. At least 5 cats have been killed by this dog, it has now come to light.

I am heartbroken. Heartbroken that my baby’s final moments were possibly scary for him. That he was not able to just go to sleep one day in the sunshine and not wake up. That my friend has had to deal with the brutal death of the kitty that was, in truth, his as well. And that he had to tell my Mom.

I am also heartbroken that this dog’s humans continued to let this dog off-leash, unsupervised, free to roam the neighbourhood. It was not this dog’s fault that he was not taught that cats were not prey, that his territory did NOT include other people’s yards. In the end. another family is going to lose their pet.

But you know what the bylaw inspector told my friend when he spoke to him after speaking with the dog’s owners? When the inspector asked the man to take his dog inside, the man told the inspector just to kick him out of the way.

That is not a human who deserves to be the caretaker of a dog.

And that breaks my heart as well.

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